Monday April 23rd 2012, 8:45
I’ve not really been doing much (see date on previous post!) because the house is such a huge mess right now that I’m finding it incredibly easy to find excuses to do anything else but my work. I’m going through the slow~ish process of chasing up consent forms, a lot of potential candidates have dropped out already, & I’m still feeling quite distanced & removed from it all.
Plus I’ve been working on some writing about the volunteering I did in New Zealand & have some difficult self~realisations to cope with there. The fact that this echoes some other personal work in a different arena is nifty, but not ultimately helpful just now. I suspect it’s one of those times where everything hits at once & it’s slow motion/non motion for a little while, then everything moves rapidly because a lot of internal & external housekeeping has been done. But, I am supposed to send off writing to Fabulous Supervisors today, & I don’t have much at all to send, so it will have to wait a few days.
Then, last night around five thirty, we discovered that the dishwasher has given up the ghost. Big time. Half the horrible lino in the kitchen/dining area was cut away in order to put down sheets & towels to dry the floor. My sister came over with a hairdryer to get the crannies of the dishwasher cavity itself as it’s raining again & very humid. So today I need to clean the floor, dry the floor & rearrange the kitchen benchtops. Instead of writing. Ironically, I am now geared up to write (after not sleeping for three nights about it ~ & with the wonderful new mattress I bought us last week, that’s a feat! I’ve been sleeping really well now that my lower back isn’t cranky all the time, which was something else stopping me from writing. Hard to do it when it hurts to sit…), but will not get to anything until maybe late afternoon. Oh, & the tiler is coming to quote for that area plus laundry ~ which is great ~ but also means another huge launch into renovations. The house will be completed sooner than anticipated. Good. The house will be in continuing work/noise/dust for another few months. Aargh. If water is emotion, why is the room I relax most in subject to an overload just now? At the risk of channelling an excessive amount of Woody just now, what am I missing here?! What aren’t I doing right?? Why is this all just becoming unbearably hard to deal with, leaving me unbearably whiny??
Ok ~ so a small lake in the kitchen is not the end of the world. As such. But with the rest of the house in pretty much a shambles as the new office goes through final touches, it’s a Very Big Deal. Virtually all rooms in the house are now doing double & sometimes triple duty, it’s visual chaos & I’m completely overwhelmed with all the clutter. The floor sander comes back tomorrow to finish the final coat on the office floor. A week from that we can put furniture in, so it’s sort of the place where complete disorganisation is the norm for a brief fugue period before it all falls into order & ‘place’. The new bookcase needs a quick sand off & another varnish coat & it’s ready to go. Thank you Gumtree! Benchtops are cut & ready to be mounted. Thank you Gary! New storage in the old office will make the new guest room popular with the living room, laundry, linen press, & back deck, as everything will have someplace to go. Including business record files, huzzah! But that is still 3~4 weeks away.
Today I’m still figuring out how to juggle all the stuff I’m tired of juggling. I had wanted the office finished by the beginning of February so that I would have space & peace to write. Cramming in the odd few moments at a keyboard is not conducive to my writing process, nor my idea of taking the pressure off. Today I shall have to clean the floor again & rearrange the kitchen some more to accommodate a lack of dishwasher. I’ve got the biggest lurking headache due to lack of sleep, & feel as though I’m letting everyone, including my supervisors & myself, down in a very big way. I wish I could pull another month out of a rabbitted hat & get some order in place to write in. I’m ashamed to admit this ~ I’m not ill, disabled physically by this (really), & have a house that is sound & solid around all the clutter. I get very tired of having to deal with the personal life stuff. Everyone’s feels huge to them at the time I suppose, but I have a nagging voice at the back of my head telling me that I’m supposed to be better than all this now…
Head hurting more now, time to clean. Over & out for now. Aargh.
